i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
