my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
