UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
