i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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