people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
