the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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