There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
