Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
