my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
