Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
