Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
