Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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