Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
