Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
