My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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