yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
