so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
