it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
