You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
