ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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