When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
