Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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