if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Holy shit dude........stairs
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
