the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i will never coherently bang her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
