maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
