I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just pee around me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
