I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
