also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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