It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wear drunk well.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
