You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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