it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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