ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
