i was born a porn star she said
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
