did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
