There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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