i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
