you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
