I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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