The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
