Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
