I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
