When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
