i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
