The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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