In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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