i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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