it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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