he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
