You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
