Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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