I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
