Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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