drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
