On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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