Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
