the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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