Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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