once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
