Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
