I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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