The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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