I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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