I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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