I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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