Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
