I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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