I cut my penus on the lid.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
