You smell like a Billy Joel song
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i came on her dog
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
