phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
