There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
