I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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