Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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