oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
