Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
