you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
