i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
